Smut & Scones

I've got so many good books in my pile these days, and maybe its because I was just loving the smell of one of the paperbacks but I was prompted to put them all in a list and share. :) 1. Egg Drop Dead, by Vivien Chien. The 5th in a series of cozy mysteries set in a Chinese noodle house with a Chinese-American main character and an amazing cast of POC. The books are super entertaining, well written, and I love that they are set somewhere interesting instead of the same small super-white midwest bakery, etc. 2. Modern Tarot, by Michelle Tea. I've been wanting to slowly get back into tarot again, and this guide to learning the cards is, as it says, modern, inclusive, and fun. 3. Don't Keep Your Day Job, by Cathy Heller. I've listened to Heller's podcast by the same name for a while, and this book is so far such a beautiful distillation of the message she shares there -- you are enough, you matter, your gifts matter, go out and do the thing that is on your he...

I am feeling shitty about myself. I had a Friday that was actually pretty good in most respects, but it ended with a run in with a narcissist in which I did the one thing you should never do and that's respond. I felt the need to defend myself, because having my work called into question, my integrity, is a peeve of mine. But this never ends well. I knew I shouldn't have responded, but I did it anyway. And now I am trying not to spend the whole weekend being preemptively stressed out by the anticipated reaction. There may not even be a reaction. But I shouldn't have even played into it. Next time, I know better. I will stand strong in my own confidence in myself and remind myself that I can't control what other people choose to think or what their perceptions may be. I have the product of my work on my side, and anyone who can't see that isn't worth arguing with in the first place. That said, its making it difficult to get into a creative headspace tonight, es...

I have been out of sync with myself lately. When I tune into it, I can tell. Even when I've been writing -- I've been trying to force specific stories or types of books, series, writing things that weren't really what I wanted to write because I thought I needed to in order to create a successful career as an indie author. The irony is that trying to force myself down certain specific paths was keeping me from writing anything. Which certainly isn't the way to create a successful writing career. I'm fine with writing to market, but I still need to write like me, and that's what I wasn't doing. I was trying to write like someone else, create a series like someone else, and I can't do that. All that does it keep me all up in my head about whether I'm doing it "right" or if this will be what the market wants, etc. I need to focus on writing a good story, first. Because without that the rest doesn't matter. I have been reading Cathy...

I don't know why this took so long to click, after hearing the same message over and over again from the different podcasts and blogs and books I consume, but here goes -- Don't worry about doing the whole big thing, just do whatever the next small action is. Don't focus on "writing a book" or "starting a business," focus on doing whatever the next super small step is in service of that goal. Writing one sentence. Emailing one person. The smallest, tiniest action that you can take next, do that one small thing. And then whatever the next thing is. And it's all those little things that build up and create a big thing. This thought has been incredibly helpful to me in the last 24 hours, as I've been sitting here stuck on the stress of wanting to build an author empire for myself that replaces my day job and lets me live like a queen on book sales. Guess how many words that helped me write. But keeping my eye on the absolute closest next mar...

How to be in alignment during this strange time. I started out the year with "alignment" as my word of the year, and I've been trying to use it to guide me in the first four months, choosing to focus my time and energy on things that were in alignment with my goals and dreams. Once the pandemic struck and the rhythms of life really changed, it's been hard to see how to do that. Sometimes just getting by feels like all we can do. But even that, I think, it's okay. And it actually does sync up. Part of being in alignment is not forcing things, not doing things just because someone told you that you were supposed to or that you should, but really doing what feels right for you, in your bones. For me, I have a hard time sitting still. I feel like rest is laziness, sometimes, like I should be continually pushing forward towards my goals or I'm failing. Learning how to navigate that is something I'm working on. Because logically I know it's not true, but g...

Literally what is this fucking story about. Ugh, why. Why can't I nail down the plot of this thing? Every time I think I've got something that I genuinely like, I come back to it an hour later and the thought of starting to writing anything is like, pointless. What is this stage in the writing process called? Because I'm certainly not writing and I'm starting to feel hopeless after restarting this same story several dozen times. I know I do better with pantsing, but the problem is, I have tried to pants this novel, and I get stuck in the middle. I have some good character motivation and conflict, an interesting premise, but it's not enough to keep the thing going. What is the end goal? What is anyone really aiming for? I have come up with so many different ideas at this point. Maybe I should just start writing, if I can find a place to start, and just go full NaNo style and let something come to me. Because this is not syncing up with my goals to publish multiple ...

I took two days off from work for a long weekend, and the extent to which it fills me up to have a leisurely morning coffee, to sit and watch the grey clouds in the sky and the palm trees swaying in the wind, to have my books and my notebooks spread out around me, or just do nothing and watch my shows for several hours -- I cannot overstate it.  I have chores to do and laundry to run, and I’ll do all that tomorrow and feel good about getting a bunch of housework done that I normally free stressed out about during the week.  I’m excited to have open stretches of time to work on my projects, without feeling pressed for time and trying to cram in creativity.  It's so important to take rest. Our bodies and minds will burn out if we don't and that's not sustainable. You're not going to be doing your best work if you're exhausted and empty, nor will you be able to sustain the momentum you need to keep going for the long haul in order to build your author empire...

"I have no idea what I'm fucking doing!" she said, as surprised at the snarl in her voice as Simon was not. "You're thinking too much," he replied, soothing, honeyed tones that had been part of the reason she found herself in this predicament in the first place. "Let your instincts guide you." "I don't have instincts for this!" "You do now." All she felt was hunger, a gnawing, desperate, dizzying, blinding hunger. A need so great it scared her, because this wasn't normal, there must be something wrong with her. Simon's hands smoothed down her arms from behind, cool and calming. "Breath in deeply," he said. "Catch the scent. Let it fill you up. There. You have it, don't you? You can taste it on the air. I can feel your skin prickling. Your heart beat is speeding up. It's all right, let it. It won't harm you. Now. Part your lips, give yourself room to grow." Her eyes had clos...