I am feeling shitty about myself. I had a Friday that was actually pretty good in most respects, but it ended with a run in with a narcissist in which I did the one thing you should never do and that's respond. I felt the need to defend myself, because having my work called into question, my integrity, is a peeve of mine. But this never ends well. I knew I shouldn't have responded, but I did it anyway. And now I am trying not to spend the whole weekend being preemptively stressed out by the anticipated reaction. There may not even be a reaction. But I shouldn't have even played into it. Next time, I know better. I will stand strong in my own confidence in myself and remind myself that I can't control what other people choose to think or what their perceptions may be. I have the product of my work on my side, and anyone who can't see that isn't worth arguing with in the first place.

That said, its making it difficult to get into a creative headspace tonight, especially when I felt like I really wanted the balm of some writing time as medicine to shake it all off. But I'm having a hard time concentrating. Writing it all out like this has helped. I know I'm better than this, I know I am. I must stop letting it get to me.

I keep telling myself to go to be early and get up for a morning session, but since I keep waking up late, that feels like just putting it off. Just want to have one little writing session, just a few words at a time, and build up this thing that I really want to do. Do it for the love of doing it for the sake of doing it, and follow that feeling and see where it goes.

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